An Odd Superstition

Ever since five years ago, I believe that new year, new me is bullshit. I know, lots of people still believe that new year is a new page and new beginning for them. However, it is not a case for me. I would say that new year is just a parameter to count how many times you've been sucking and how many times you've been surviving. In other words, a new year is just accumulation of upcoming regular day.  I don't blame people who partying on new year eve, but I just don't understand why they celebrating for something that still uncertain. Or maybe, they celebrating new year eve because they want to become alive before they finally realized that life gives them a lemon. 

In fact, I must say that I kinda believe in some odd superstition about a new year. I don't remember since when I believe in that kind of things. But one thing that I am sure, I don't match with odd years.  Confused? Here is the example :  I'm not lucky if turn into an odd age. For example, When I was 17 years old, everything sucks. Everything is gone wrong, and I never became what I wanted. But things get better when I turned into 18 years old. In following years, things get worse again and this kind of cycle hunt me down. 

I know, I must not believe it. I must believe in myself and everything that I do. In contrast, I realized that believing it is not a completely bad idea. It makes me more cautious about everything. It makes me want to do better and better in order not to mess things up.

While writing this, I overlook my schedule throughout this year. This year indeed going to be a hard year. The hurdle is bigger than last year. Like, I need to choose what subjects do I really wants to commit it. What kind of job do I want to pursue? What kind of dreams that I want to achieve? and so on. 

In the last half of December, I was contemplating myself. Did I do good in 2017?  I doubt that after all this time, all of my choices were wrong. I don't know what I want to be. I let people down with their high expectation of me. In fact, I have questioned myself with something that I never had an answer. 

After a long battle of contemplating myself, I start to realized new things about myself such as :
  • I denied myself
  • I hate myself for underestimating myself and comparing myself with other people
  • I don't want to work as a writer that is forced to write something that I don't want to write, 
  • I like love stories
  • I am in love with a person not because of his appearance but because of his insight and perspective about something.
  • I love the ideas of LDR relationship. 
  • I love wondering that I want to become successful and wise farmers. 
  • I am easy to having crush on someone 
  • Microbiology is not that bad. In fact, it is interesting to play with those unseen things.
  • I am an introvert person, not an extrovert. all this time I force myself to be an extrovert person
  • I love to cuddle with my pillows while binge watch and binge read.
  • I care about what people think about me
  • I want to fit in everyone shoes and being everyone friend
  • I want to be known because of my abilities, talents, and personalities
  • I want to become grateful
  • I want to more understand about knowledge, especially my religion.
  • And, I want to love myself as much as I could.
Is it cringe? All of those things? Yeah, but life is indeed cringed. Me, as a human, never get enough of everything. But isn't it the fate of human, never get enough of everything? Never get hold of everything that is given?

So here I am, writing this down because I try to become the best version of myself day by day even if the thought of everything chasing me down every day after I wake up from sleeping. Instead, I don't want you to become like me or believe in an odd superstition that is nonsense. I want you to become you without a but and doubts. May all of your day is always beautiful and happy!

Comments

  1. I think the fate of human is not never get enough. Never get satisfied they are.

    And yeah, I dont have any specific resolution in new year. Just survice day by day. Not good thing, but I'm happy =)

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  2. You are in your early twenty, age of wonder. It's a normal stage and don't worry everybody feel it too.
    I don't celebrate newyear not because I am skeptic or else but because i celebrate new year at my birthday. I called it private new year.
    Resolution seems great because as I go older the wish to be a better person grow as well..
    Enjoy your life... The more you worry the more you unhappy

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  3. When everyone make resolution year by year, and i told my self that so many time wasted to make it real. Hahaha.. So just let it flow. With or without resolution Cindra is Cindra. Nggak ngaruh keliatannya hihihi..

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  4. Sometimes i feel weird, when i heard they talk about new resolution in every new year eve. Because, the resolution is like accumulation resolution's last year. New year, new me, new resolution, new progress, for me, it's like bullshit if there's no action for make it happens..

    The others, sometimes talk too much, but no action. It's just like words are repeat again again again every year. It's sucks, endingnya hanyalah wacana mulu tiap tahun^^

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  5. aamiin

    yups
    i agree with "I want you to become you without a but and doubts"

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  6. heii dedek-dedek digital, sini peluuukk. kamu gak harus jadi orang lain sayang, kamu cukup jadi diri kamu sendiri. soal takhayul tentang tahun ganjilmu percayalah, aku pun pernah merasakannya, tapi semakin bertambahnya waktu yang pernah dilalui yakinlah itu semua bukanlah hal terburuk dalam hidup kita, kadang tanda sayng Alloh kepada kita bukan hanya dari kebahagiaan yang kita dapat, tapi juga dari kesedihan yang kita rasakan. Selamat tahun baru ya, keep positive thinking, lalui semuanya dengan semangay yesss.

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  7. I don't celebrate the new year eve. But I make the resolution every year. Although not all my resolutions are achieved. And this year, I try to make all my resolutions come true. I hope, so ...

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  8. Aku tidak merayakan tahun baru, tapi memaknainya sebagai pergantian waktu untuk berubah menjadi lebih baik. Meski dari tahun ke tahun perubahan yang terjadi tidak signifikan. Btw, aku pun peduli dengan apa yang orang lain pikirkan tentang diriku. Selalu.

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  9. Saya juga introvert lebih senang sendiri..., Kalo lagi rame...disekitar org2 yg tak begitu akrab...saya juga diam.

    Jangan terbebani dengan karakter kita nikmati saja..tak perlu merasa terbebani dan ingin seperti orang lain...

    Jangan terlalu memikirkan perkataan org lain..apalagi bikin kita jadi lebih sensitif..

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  10. tahun baru bagi saya adalah berkurangnya jatah umur, jatah untuk berkarya karena makin tahun bertambah kesempatan kita makin sedikir bukan makin banyak.jd saya harus bisa mengoptimlkan waktu sebaik mungkin setiap tahun. supaya hidup berkualitas dan bermanfaat

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  11. Dalem sih ini. Coba ditulisnya pake bahasa Indonesia :-)

    Secara konteks, saya sepakat. Dan saya pun dalam beberapa waktu terakhir mulai merasa tahun baru bukanlah sesuatu yang spesial, yang harus saya rayakan, yang harus saya bikin resolusi ini itulah.

    Sama aja, kaya senin selasa rabu kaya biasanya.

    Btw, kutukan tahun ganjil, mungkin, datang karena kamu punya sugesti kaya gitu.

    Positif thingking, dan kutukan itu ga akan dtg lagi

    Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  12. pake bahasa indonesia aja ya mba. hehe betul banget itu tahun baru harus memulai dari awal dengan sesuatu yang baru. dimulai dengan cinta dan kasih sayang serta harus mempunyai capaian tersendiri untuk motivasi ditahun yang baru

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  13. It's good to realize of what you need and what you want, it first.
    It means that you know yourself well than other.

    Keep up your good work.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Bagiku tiap tahun pasti ada kejadian bagus dan buruknya. Karena begitulah hidup, nggak setiap saat di bawah tapi nggak selalu di atas juga. Kalau ada yang mau qubah tentang karakter ku, duh banyak banget malah.

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  15. berat banget bacanya ini, ampe harus pake ngartiin dulu wkwkw tapi bagus banget isinya, aku suka!

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  16. Tahayul, mitos itu dr pikiran manusianya. Tapi kdg iyain aja kalo orangtua bilang ini itu. Walopun kita enggak percaya juga

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  17. Saya menikmati setiap masa dengan bahagia. Kekhawatoran tercita darinketidakyakinan. Kejadian dalam satuntahun memang perlu evaluasi unuk membangun tujuan hidup yang lebih baik. Selamat merayakan hidup

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  18. Let's make a personal SWOT analysis. And find a new version of you. Believe, that you're special.
    But I know, being introvert is a hard to do it. Like me :D
    So, let's wake up together, introverts!

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  19. Sebenarnya kalo ane, tahun baru itu hari aniversary saja.
    Palingan hari itu hanya untuk refleksi diri thd hari2 yg sudah kami lewati satu tahun. Dimana ada kekurangan, maka itu harus dimaklumi dan bilapun ada ada kesalahan maka itu hrus diperbaiki. Itu saja makna tahun baru bagi kami.

    ReplyDelete

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